Lonely Night
by PurpleAjah
Summary: Nights are lonely and dreamless in Kohona. Oneshot.


_Inspiration from Jack Johnston and Matt Costa's song 'Lullaby', and thanks to Je for editing_

_Disclaimer: I do not own the song 'Lullaby', the anime or manga Naruto, or Je and her awesome spelling skills.  
_

_Summary: Nights are lonely and dreamless in Kohona. Character studies._

* * *

**Lonely Night**

The room is not as dark as night should be… bright light from the streetlight outside your window shines through, as there is no curtain to cut off the bright rays. You wished for dark, to hide the empty room, the empty apartment. Because it was too bright, and cut through the blue of your eyes to expose to nobody your loneliness.

Nights were always the worst. It was not that you were scared of a knife in the dark, in fact, sometimes you wish for that knife, if only because of the person holding it, holding at bay the hours of the wane light illuminating the bare room and lack of dreams.

Because you have forgotten to dream, somehow. Maybe it was better that way…: you no longer saw the rows of faces, turned away from you. The people with joy filling their eyes holding their children close, and nobody was holding you. It may be a relief, to be free of that reminder, night after night.

You wish you could dream, but forgot how to, somehow. And it was not a good thing, because now all that is left are the shadows, and light from the window illuminates your loneliness.

* * *

Throw a punch at your invisible enemy then spin to land a kick behind you. Sweat rolls down your back and dampens the waistline of your shorts. The night air let in by the window fills your lungs then leaves too soon. You stumble, and the next kick has you tumbling forward, ending with you on your hands and knees, bangs falling to hide your face twisted in agony.

With a groan you let yourself fall to the side, than roll onto your back. The traditional walls of the Uchiha Clan's magnificent training hall surround you while you lie in the middle, drinking the dusty air of the old room.

You came here because in the small apartment you could forget this room, what happened in here, the bodies that fell with a final thud. Because you have forgotten to dream, somehow. Itachi does not visit your lonely bedroom that forever smelled of cigarettes, a last farewell from its last occupant.

And as much as those dark dreams full of hate and blood fill you with terror, you want them back. They are part of you, and make you strong. If you forget – if you do not feel the terror and horror of all Itachi has done – your family will never rest in peace. Because you are their avenger, and you wish you could dream and remember, but forgot how to, somehow.

* * *

There is a full moon. But it does not look kindly down to its counterpart on Earth this night. It looks cold, unforgiving and oh so far away. When you had left your apartment to begin the lonely track to the Hero stone it had been three in the morning. Dreams had deserted you again.

Your eyes drift back to the name on the stone, the Sharingan swirling softly in memory of Uchiha Obito. This is where you stand, with a straight back and refusing to shiver at the cold… whenever you found him absent from your mind. The night was lonely, and the company of the dead were preferable to the smell of acid used to clean away the blood from missions – a scent that never left your apartment.

Somehow you had forgotten to dream. It was happening more and more these days, Team Seven was filling the hole left by the death of your former team. Somehow, instead of dreaming of and remembering the boy who had saved your life and given you the Uchiha heritage, you were smiling in sleep as Naruto proclaimed he was Hokage, and competed against the dark eyed Sasuke. Sasuke filled your dreams as well. You hope he will turn out better then you did… you wish that Sakura does not die before she becomes a medic nin like Rin wanted to be.

You wish you could dream, but you forgot to, somehow. Obito's memory deserved at least that much reverence.

* * *

The room you sleep in is rather small, and scarce of any object deemed superfluous. This was not simply because he was a branch family member, but also because you do not need anything else. It is pitch black, and your eyes are closed, but you aren't asleep. Suddenly your eyes snap open, veins standing out in crisscross, like crowfeet over your temples. Past the walls of your own room, your extended family all lay in their beds, sleeping. You envy their faces, eyes moving restlessly under closed lids in their dreams, while you sit with your legs tucked under you on the heals of your feet, with shins pressed against the hard wooden floor.

This is how you spend your nights, trying to make a lullaby for yourself. To imprint on your mind that Fate does not have to dictate your future… Naruto taught you that.

But it does not work. It is too hard to think that way, especially when sleeping, because your unconscious mind still refuses to admit that this is a possibility. You have forgotten to dream, somehow. Forgotten that there are ways of rebelling against the iron rule of your family. Even if you rebel in the safety your mind, not the outside world.

It is lonely, because you know you are the only one in the house awake and wishing you could dream, but you forgetting how to, somehow. Because the Huuga believe that fate is the only influence in one's life and it is lonely being the only one different.

* * *

Sake spills out of the bottle, leaving watermarks on the paperwork in-front of you. Everyone always wondered when you got it done, because you busied yourself with the village all day. Sometimes you suspected people simply assumed that your assistants did it all. But no, the Hokage could not do that, it was her job… her duty to the village. An escape from the night.

Scratching fills the room as the pen curves around words and concepts, your signature. Past Hokages look down at you from the wall above the desk. Sometimes you think they understand.

Because you have forgotten to dream. And a Hokage promises to her people that she will never forgets them, and this time, you can't bear to loose the gamble. So you do not sleep, and in the morning you rely on the skill of the medic nin to ensure you can continue this way. People assume that since you did not want the job at the start that you do not put your all into it, but Kohona means more to you then that.

When you do sleep, you do not dream at all, it is the sleep of exhaustion; every fibre in your body concentrating on recovering strength. And you wish you could dream about your people and not steal those hours that could be used for Kohona for yourself, but you have forgotten how, somehow. It is too lonely and selfish to sleep without dreams, so you don't sleep at all.

* * *

Sometimes you admire Orochimaru. Admire his drive; wish you were as focused on your goal as he is. He would be so very lonely, you think sometimes. Alone in his dreams, his goals. Imagine that even in his sleep he would be dreaming of knowing every single jutsu, and living forever. So different to you. Your dreams are worthless.

During the night you take missions. The Hokage knows, you think; realises that you need that, the escape from the silent, dreamless nights that plague you. She gives you the one-night ANBU missions and you poison, kill, and fill the night with the last sigh of some poor old man… or dreaming young girl.

Because you have forgotten to dream about anything you deem is deserving of wasting those hours on. The closest you can aim for is to sleep during the day, after thoughtlessly killing in the name of 'honour'… slaughtering is the village's dirty work, and it continues all night. Your sleep is filled with tossing and turning in the bright, sunlit room with all the lights on as your mind battles with the sun and dwelling on the dark, evil deeds preformed that night, distracted from the silence that conjures thoughts that are not your dreams. You only need a few hours of sleep anyway.

You wish you could dream of something of importance, worth sleeping for. You wish you slept alongside your ambitions, dreams… but you had forgotten how to, somehow, around the time your sensei had bitten into your neck and marked you the product of his dreams. Because it was lonely dreaming your own dreams, and you did not want to be reminded of your cowardice in sharing his dream. So you distract yourself, and do not think, or dream, of either.

* * *

Kohona was a dreamless village.

They wish they could dream, but have forgotten how to, somehow.


End file.
